The Dark Area

Me and my mate Tony discovered we had similar tastes in music, it had to be ear splitting, chest caving rock. Tony is a great drummer and I make a noise with a guitar, it was inevitable that we would play together, it was destiny. Later we enlisted Stuart on bass, an accomplished musician who either felt sorry for us, or had nothing better to do. Heavy, loud, riff based rock, from the classic era of hair metal, we were like a long forgotten super group on the come back trail. Unfortunately  we had never been a super group in the first place, so how could we make a come back, we would have to invent a glorious  past, like dormant super hero's we would emerge as our alter ego's, we would become.

 Alzheimer's

(say it in a ageing Rock DJ type voice)

So here is the first installment of our rise to cult status, 

Review of a new long playing record from those grey beard ageing rockers,

Previously known as “The Merely Bewildered”, the bad old boys from the Black Country have reformed to produce a new CD called appropriately “Lest We Forget”. The outrageous marketing ploy of getting the band to urinate over each copy has not been well received by the music press, many of which are now being treated for genital warts and nappy rash on their hands. The bands management have denied that this was a marketing ploy but simply an unfortunate accident, “let the music do the talking” said Willie Warlock their veteran manager.

So to the music, the opening track is a typical “old guy gone bad” type song called “Pissin The Night Away”. This is followed by “Wet Bed”, both are instantly forgettable, which is why the band will not be performing them live on their up and coming “Antiques Road show” tour, they have actually forgotten the songs. The highlight of the album has to be the third track, “Pension Queue Blues”, a slow number that fades out the sound of lead singer Bret “Flat Cap” Silver buying cat food at the supermarket, a sad reminder of the ups and downs of rock and roll. The rest of the album seems to drift away from the Wrinkled Wrockers, “Big Pants” wails on about the evils of thongs, “Premature Senility” is interrupted half way through by a tea break including a snatch of the Jimmy Young show, slurping of tea from saucers, and the crunching of custard creams. “Baggy Lycra”, is a poor self-indulgent song about having to wear bracers with their stage gear, too much information for me thank you guys. “Ring Road”, starts well with lyrics about drivin hard, and running red lights but the references to the tyre shredding power of a 1978 Nissan Micra however left the song with little credibility. There were three more tracks on the CD, “Grey Pubes”, “Bus Pass Road Trip”, and “Tan socks and Sandals” but to be honest I lost interest, also the smell of the piss soaked album notes became overpowering.

This album is one to forget, (the band already has), they should go away and do some serious composing, better still some decomposing.

Rating, Rancid.       

Merchandising.

§        New, zip up tweed style slippers with logo.

§        Bondage style (buckles and zips) black leather “look” incontinence pants.

§        Tartan drag along shopping bags, complete with logo and race style wheels.  

§        Dragon Claw back scratcher.

§        Dracula Castle "Cuckoo Clock", black gothic style with screeching glow in the dark vampire bat every half hour. 

§        Grey pony tail hairpiece.

§        “Alzheimer’s” devils head logo pension book cover.

§        “Micra’s rool, Humbugs Suk and Alzheimer’s rock” Zimmer sticker.

§        Selection of pre sucked, fluff dusted boiled sweets, handbag ready, for the bitch in your life, make those grandkids squirm.

§        Discreet concert ready catheter kit, complete with hide away “cowboy boot” bag, don’t piss that Lycra anymore.

§        Machine knitted Alzheimer logo cardigan, with silver devils head buttons.

§        Alzheimer’s “sniff the piss tour” fleece pyjamas.

§        “Devils head” finest wool knitted spare toilet roll cover.

§        “Forget the rest, Alzheimer’s the best” wicker edged tea tray.

§         Capo Demonti, vampire bat, real quality item.

§        Road kill replica dead badger hot water bottle cover, (real pelt). 

§        Cross stitch patterns, gothic font 666 with dripping blood, band on stage at Eastbourne, Bret Silver (naked), drag racing Micra with flame paint job.

§        Sterling silver charm bracelet replica of Brett Silver’s prostrate.

§        “Lest We Forget” melamine memo pad, with pen on a cord.

§        “Devils head” logo TV remote control holster, be quick on the draw beat the bitch to Emmerdale.

§        Leather (Look) “Sniff the Piss” Logo Radio Times cover, (can be used for the TV Times and TV Quick).

§        Brett Silver autographed cat food bowl, with “lick pussy lick” message on the base, classy.

All of these items can be ordered from our web site www.stink-O-piss.com, payment by postal order only